Today was not a day for writing. (Not writing my project, anyway. I wrote over 1500 words of plot summary for another idea I had.)
Today was evidently a day for wondering "what the heck is it that I'm doing with my life?"
I found myself wondering at what point I made a wrong turn to end up the way I am.
If I had never gotten into anime and manga, had never gotten into collecting toys and dolls, I would have so much more money than I do. If I had never trained myself to be as utterly slovenly as I am, I would have a better life. (Not buying as much crap would help on that front, of course.)
Pretty much all of that can be...well, maybe not all of it comes from my time in college. Mostly anime came after that, and manga entirely did, though that was an offshoot of getting into anime. But I feel like everything that happened in college led me in that direction. So once again I'm left with the inescapable conclusion that if I had gone to a different college, then maybe my life would not be such utter garbage.
I applied to seven colleges when I was a senior in high school.
I got into all of them.
One of them was just a hair short of being an Ivy League school. (Pretty much the only reason it's not is that it's in Chicago instead of New England.) But you know which one I decided to attend?
The one my advisor at the time considered my "safety" school.
It had the worst academics, and it cost the most. I went there because they flatteringly offered me a miniscule scholarship, and it had a pretty campus.
Worst.
Decision.
Of.
My.
Life.
I didn't even enjoy it there. I was miserable almost the entire time, and because I had so little luck being accepted by the other students, I withdrew into myself even more than I had in high school.
I mean, maybe it wouldn't have been any better at the other school. Impossible to know, unless someone develops a way to look at parallel universes or something. But it was just so...ugh, I wish my parents had tried harder to talk me out of it.
Obviously, as soon as I started having thoughts like that, there was very little chance of me actually managing to write anything. It's kind of a small miracle I wrote any words at all, really.
Though I only wrote 487 of them. Making a total of 55,733 words in November.
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