Why do I do this to myself?

     I have a bad habit of trying to write things that I am literally incapable of writing.

    I like to come up with stories that result in climactic final battles, even though I absolutely cannot write combat.  (This is largely a genre issue, I think, as I tend towards adventurous stories, especially when I am working in a genre that's even tangentially fantastical.)

    I also often end up wanting to write about love stories and sexual encounters, despite that as an aromantic person I don't really understand love and as an asexual I have never experienced sex.  But for some benighted reason I still want to write about them.  (Sometimes.  Other times I gleefully ditch them and relish in making characters as ace as I am.)

    So last night I was writing out some notes about the scene that I am currently procrastinating in the middle of.

    The notes were as follows:

           Ooooookay.   Soooooooo.  Is it even possible for me to write a sex scene?

            In a fandom where I would not feel comfortable using most slang for sex organs?

            Uh.

            No.

            No, it is not.

            So...what do I do with this scene, then?  I don't want them reuniting with their son in scene 69.  That would just creep me out.

            So I suppose I do one of my usual half-assed "kinda a sex scene if you turn your head and squint" things?

            But…like….what?

            I mean, it's...like...not even an appropriate time, considering they were just in a battle where like ¾ of their army got wiped out!  Also...well, no, actually, that's the big one.  But it's big!

             Although I did already set up that LWJ is literally ready for sex every time he even looks at WWX (and I think canon will largely back me up on that) so I guess it's not too weird?

    I felt like sharing them because I thought they were kind of funny.

    Also because procrastinating.

    (Because I'm kinda sorta trying to write that almost-a-sex-scene and I maybe got to the point where I had to describe their position and I'm panicking because how can I possibly describe it that won't embarrass me to death?!  Why does sex have to exist?  Why can't we all be like Barbie and Ken dolls, with nothing under our clothes but smooth plastic?  (Okay, technically, these days Barbie and Ken have molded on underwear, but back when I was a kid, they were just smooth plastic under the clothes.))

    (How am I supposed to describe two men getting in position for mutual oral sex when I don't want to use any convenient term for sex organs but all the less convenient terms are super awkward and sound stupidly stilted?)

    Why do I do this to myself?!

    Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh!!!!!!

    (The fact that this is for fan fiction only makes it stupider, of course...)

    (Speaking of complaining (not that I was speaking of it), Goodsmile Company wants all my money.  They just yesterday dropped the pre-orders for special Year of the Rabbit Nendoroid versions of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, and of course I had to preorder them because they are so flippin' cute it's unfair.  Their eye highlights are little bunnies and they come with bunnies that neatly stack on top of each other, and they're just so darn cute! 😅  A fan and her money are all too soon parted...)